I have refrained from making any public statements regarding my sister’s pregnancy until she herself had made the announcement.  On Friday, March 11, 2011, my sister, Delamar, announced that she is pregnant on her radio show on RX93.1 called The Morning Rush. Days after, both the Philippine Daily Inquirer and The Manila Bulletin carried stories regarding her announcement.

I think I was the third person she told in our family.  She was surprised by my reaction.  She thought I was going to command fire and brimstone to rain on her but instead, all I said was: that’s a miracle.  And it is a miracle.  My sister is 38 years old.  It’s difficult to conceive for the first time at that age.  But I call my sister’s pregnancy a physiological “miracle” because she managed to conceive this baby spontaneously without the assistance of fertility drugs or hormones, and while she has only one working ovary. This  is what I mean by her pregnancy being a physiological miracle.

I would know how difficult it is to conceive.  I married at the age of 27 after taking the bar exams.  I didn’t get pregnant until Ii was 30.  Only now that I’m 43 and after having been diagnosed with ovarian cysts do I realize that my children’s conception was also a miracle.  My ovaries are clogged with cysts that it is a miracle at all that my egg cells made it out of there!

I am happy for my sister that she is pregnant and she is going to have a baby.  But I am also afraid for her.  The path of motherhood before her is difficult enough if she were married, but it is extremely more difficult because she will be a single mother.

First, I have been asked if I think that her pregnancy is a sin.  Well, the Law of Moses forbids any sex outside of marriage.  When my sister conceived that baby, she was in a sexual relationship with a man who was not her husband.  The Bible calls that fornication and it is a sin. The New Testament also condemns fornication as sin.

Second, I have heard a few rather scathing comments about her pregnancy.  Those people are entitled to their opinion, of course. Only please note that when my sister conceived her baby, she had already distanced herself from our church.  She has not transferred membership to any other church.  In fact, the does not believe in organized religion anymore.  I do not think that our rules of conduct apply to her anymore because she has chosen to submit herself to other rules of conduct.  So that whether or not her pregnancy is a sin to us does not matter to her at all. She does not recognize our rules of conduct as binding on her because she has left our church. They may call it backsliding, they may call it apostasy, because that’s what it is.  However, the fact is that she has left the church and we cannot hold her responsible for violating our rules of conduct.  It is as simple as that. Our rules of conduct are binding on us, not on those who have already left us.

Third, some people have suggested that my sister’s pregnancy provides grounds for my father’s expulsion from the ministry as pastor.  They cite 1 Timothy 3:2-5.  They say that my father should resign from the ministry because his children’s conduct shows that he does not rule well his own house and he does not have his children under subjection.

This would be true if my sister were under 18, living with my father in my father’s house.  As it is, my sister has left my father’s house years ago.  She has her own house, she makes her own living, she is no longer under my father’s custody.

In Hebrew custom, a boy of 12 or 13 becomes “bar mitzvah” meaning a “son of the law.”  A Hebrew girl of 15 becomes “bat mitzvah” a daughter of the law.  That is to say that a Hebrew child becomes accountable to God to obey the law from the age of 12 onwards.  That Jesus Christ made himself subject to his parents even after he had become “bar mitzvah” is a mark of his true humility. That is to say, at age 12 when Mary and Joseph brought Jesus to the temple, Jesus was free to stay in the temple. Jesus was free to do anything he wished as Mary and Joseph no longer had any parental authority over him because he was already “bar mitzvah.”  But he chose to subject himself to the parental authority of Mary and Joseph and this shows his humility.

In the same way, my sister is of age, she is no longer under my father’s parental custody or authority.  Her sin is her sin alone.  Does it affect others, yes.  Does is make other stumble, perhaps.  Are people free to take her experience and make it a cautionary tale, of course.  But her sin is hers alone.  She is responsible to God for it all on her own just as we are all responsible for our own sins all by ourselves.  “The soul that sinneth it shall die.”  Fathers ought not to be put to death for the sins of the sons.

Fourth, some people have also cited the case of Eli the high priest in Samuel’s time.  Eli’s two sons, Hophni and Phinehas were so wicked, they were called sons of Belial.  They must have been above the age of 30 because they cannot serve as priests in the tabernacle unless they were at least 30 years old.  They continued their evil deeds in the sight of all Israel and their father Eli was judged because “he restrained them not.”

While my father is a pastor, my sister is not.  My sister has no duties at our church and she does not serve or minister there.  Whether or not my father knew of her “sin” and whether or not he restrained her is really his business.  It is his accountability before God. It is not my business.

Fifth, I heard a comment that Delamar’s partner is “unsaved” so that even if they get married she would still be living in sin because she is unequally yoked together with an unbeliever.  That is true.  To marry an unbeliever is a violation of 2 Corinthians 6:14-18.  It is a sin.  However, while I may have the discernment to call it sin, I have no power or authority to condemn my sister.  Only God condemns, just as only God justifies.  Do I think that my sister ought to be punished?  That is for God to decide.  Do I think that my sister will be punished?  God does not always chide nor does he deal with us after our sins ( Psalm 103:1-10).

Sometimes, God does not need to punish us anymore because the path we have chosen is punishment all by itself.  Being a single mother will be a difficult adjustment for her.  If she gets married, raising a child in a multi-faith home will also be challenging.  Raising a child, of and by itself, under the most ideal of circumstances, is difficult.  Raising a child all by herself will be more difficult.

Sixth, I have also heard people say that I should disown her or denounce her conduct and have no relations with her from here on. This is partially true.  2 Thessalonians 3:14 admonishes us: “…if any man obey not our word by this epistle, note that man, and have no company with him, that he may be ashamed.”  However, that verse does not stand all alone.  The next verse adds: “Yet count him not as an enemy, but admonish him as a brother.”  Here, I guess is where most christians fall short.

We are quick to condemn sin and treat the sinner as a enemy.  We forget that the sinner is a brother and should be treated as such. We are to love our enemies.  And Christ came to save sinners.  If we, the earthly representatives of Christ were to turn on all sinners in condemnation, then we betray the gospel message.  Christ was come to seek and to save sinners.

More so should we treat with love those brothers and sisters who have sinned.  Galatians 6:1 cautions us that “if a man be overtaken in a fault, ye which are spiritual, restore such an one in the spirit of meekness; considering thyself, lest though also be tempted.”

I am happy for my sister.  I text and call and talk to her often about her pregnancy.  I pray for her, that she will be strong enough to carry this baby to term.  I pray for an uneventful pregnancy and a safe delivery.  I pray for the health of her baby.  And I pray that in the quiet hours of desperation, when her heart is about to break as only a mother’s heart can break, I pray that she feel the loving arms of the God of all comfort around her and her little one.  God be with you, little sister.