Before tropical storm Pedring pounded and bombarded Bulacan into submission, we still had electricity and we were watching the news on TV.  There was an item in the news about the passage of House Bill 4455 after the third reading.  House Bill 4455 is an act promoting positive and non-violent discipline in lieu of corporal punishment of children. Under this law, all adults (yes, even parents) may be prosecuted criminally for spanking children.

I must say that I was shocked that I had not heard of this bill before it was featured on the news.  I was even more shocked that not one Baptist here in the Philippines raised his voice in dissent.  This bill is clearly an encroachment on our Biblical beliefs on child discipline.

I cannot say I am surprised, though. The great majority of people (christians included) have not even thought about spanking as a criminal offense.  People have not yet decided whether or not spanking is appropriate or necessary when disciplining a child.  I think that the general view is that most parents will say that spanking children is wrong. Most parents will only spank their children as a last resort.  But most parents who say that spanking is wrong are often driven to spank their children when they are at wit’s end. That is the reality of it.

I have read two books by Dr. James Dobson entitled “Dare to Discipline” and “The Strong-Willed Child.” I have decided to clarify certain issues regarding spanking by referring to the views he has set forth.  I will freely quote from these books by Dr. Dobson as I have not read any other books that succinctly expresses my views on the matter of spanking.

First, both my children were born “strong-willed” (This seems to be a trait that runs on both sides of our family:  According to my mother, I was strong-willed.  According to my mother-in-law, my husband was a strong-willed child as well.)  Dr. Dobson defines a strong-willed child as a “youngster who seems to be born with a clear idea of how he wants the world to be operated and an intolerance for those who disagree. These are children who constantly challenge and defy any and all forms of authority.  This kind of child is self-propelled and usually possesses more creative potential and strength of character than his compliant siblings.”

Second, adult leadership is rarely accepted unchallenged by the next generation; it must be “tested” and found worthy of allegiance by the youngsters who are asked to yield and submit to its direction. Children often occasionally disobey parental instructions for the precise purpose of testing the determination of those in charge. Children have an acute sense of fairness and justice.  They also instinctively respect strength and courage.  They have a need to know who is the “toughest.”  “The ultimate paradox of childhood is that boys and girls want to be led by their parents, but insist that their mothers and fathers earn the right to lead them.”

Third, parents need not resort to spanking as the lone means of discipline.  Spanking is one form of discipline, it is not the only form of discipline. Children need praise and approval.  Children need to feel affection and recognition from the authority figure in their lives. They have to be treated with sincere love and dignity but children must be required to follow the parent’s leadership. Parents have to carefully choose the matters which are worthy of confrontation, when challenged, parents must accept the challenge on those issues and win decisively. Parents have to reward every positive, cooperative gesture a child makes by offering their attention, affection and verbal praise. But willful defiance must be dealt with by a spanking.

Fourth, spank a child only in cases of willful defiance.  Willful defiance is a deliberate act of disobedience.  It occurs only when the child knows what his parents expect and then chooses to do the opposite in a haughty manner. It is a refusal to accept parental leadership such as running away when called, screaming insults.  In contrast, childish irresponsibility results from forgetting, accidents, mistakes, a short attention span, a low frustration tolerance, immaturity. A wise parent will not spank a child for an act of childish irresponsibility.

In willful defiance, the child knows he was wrong and is waiting to see what his parent can do about it; in childish irresponsibility, the child has simply blundered into a consequence he did not plan.  Dr. Dobson opines that it is wrong to resort to corporal punishment for the purpose of instilling responsibility unless the child defiantly refused to accept it.

Fifth, it is fundamental that boundaries are first defined before they are enforced. The most important step in any disciplinary procedure is to establish reasonable expectations and boundaries in advance.  The child should know what is and what is not acceptable behavior before he is held responsible for those rules.

Sixth, once a child understands what is expected, he should then be held accountable for behaving accordingly. In a moment of rebellion, a little child will consider his parents’ wishes and defiantly choose to disobey.  He will calculate the potential risks, marshal his forces and attack the enemy with guns blazing.  When the child has made it clear that he is looking for a fight, then parents have to enforce their rules.  When a parent resorts to tears or screams and other evidence of frustration, children will “see” their parents as spineless creatures unworthy of respect of allegiance.

Seventh, spanking should be done while the child is lying on his stomach (in Tagalog, naka-dapa).  The parent must spank only on the buttocks.  I usually give my children a talking-to before I spank them.  As I am a lawyer, I give my child due process. He has the right to remain silent or if he chooses,  the right to explain his side.  After the child has explained his side then I tell him why I characterize his action as willful defiance. Sometimes, after that child has explained his side, I can see that there was not willful defiance at all.  When that happens, I don’t spank him.  But after he explains his side, I am still convinced that his act was prompted by willful defiance, then I tell him that I will spank him.  Often, I ask him how many spankings he thinks his act deserves.  I usually give a minimum of three and a maximum of five. The number of spankings must be appropriate and commensurate to the wrong done.

Eighth, after a time of conflict in which the parent has demonstrated his right to lead, the parent has to reassure the child.  There must be an explanation of what was wrong, what was right, and there must be a statement from the parent that he or she loves the child and forgives the child. There must be an explanation why the behavior of the child is not only wrong as far as the parent is concerned, but also as a christian parent, I often go to the Bible and I read or quote a verse that shows that even God is displeased with the behavior.  I often pray with my child to ask God’s forgiveness and thank God that he is long-suffering and forgiving of his children.

Ninth, corporal punishment (spanking with a belt) should never be:

1.  A hostile physical attack by an angry parent whose purpose is to damage or inflict harm on his little victim.
2. It should never be a wrathful attempt by the parent to damage his child.
3. It should never be a “last resort” – a final act of exasperation and frustration that comes on the heels of screaming, threatening, hand-wringing and buckets of tears.
4. A means to destroy or crush the spirit of the child.  A child should never be spanked while the parent is telling him that he is unwanted, unnecessary, ugly, dumb, a burden, an embarrassment or a disastrous mistake.

Tenth, the Bible urges parents to use the “rod”  only for correction. Godly parents have to bring up their children not only in the “nurture” but also the “admonition” of the Lord.  Parents are to “train” their children, that is, to get them accustomed to do the right thing that pleases God. The Psalms and the book of Hebrews declare that even the Lord “chastens” his children.  The chastening of the Lord is the surest sign that we are children of God for God only chastens his own sons and daughters.

In sum, I think that criminalizing all forms of spanking contravenes the right and obligation of the parent to discipline his child in conformity with the Bible’s principles. Spanking cannot be done indiscriminately.  When a parent spanks judiciously, spanking becomes a teaching tool for children to curb their self-destructive behavior. When the “sin”  of a child is pointed out and dealt with, the child is made to see that sin brings guilt and humiliation. The child is given the chance to repent and then start anew. Teaching children boundaries, enforcing the boundaries and teaching them that breaching the boundaries bring consequences, these are necessary to build a child’s moral character.  Spanking is an indispensable tool to build character.

I am happy that my children are in the teen years.  They no longer need spankings.  These days, deprivation of TV or computer time or a deduction in the allowance is enough to ensure that they respect boundaries.  I do not think that my children would have learned to respect boundaries if when they were small, I did not spank them for their willful defiance. I think that whatever self-discipline they exhibit now is partly brought about by consistent discipline during their early childhood where spanking played a big part.

I am only glad that by the time this law will be passed, my kids will be of age. I do feel sorry for those parents who will be affected by this law and its sweeping criminalization of  all forms of corporal punishment including spanking. I do not in anyway condone child abuse or approve of using spanking as a form or means of child abuse. But, I also think that what goes on in the home cannot always be intruded upon by the State.  The government does not have the resources to monitor all homes to see that no spankings ever occur. So, christian parents, all hope is not lost.

I hope that this blog article has clarified the issue on spanking and corporal punishment from a Biblically-reasoned point of view. Please feel free to comment and ask questions.