In the Scriptures, the “self” is most commonly associated with and most commonly expressed as “self-will.”  Self-will comes from the Greek word <authades> which is a compound word formed from two other Greek words: <autos> meaning “self” and <hedomai> meaning “to please.”

We can deduce that self-will is that quality of a person who is dominated by the desire to please himself and whose choices and conduct are ruled by the desire to please himself above all. (Vine’s Concise Dictionary of the Bible, page 335)

The most important verse on the “self” is found in Matthew 16: 24 which says: “If any man will come after me, let him deny himSELF and take up his cross, and follow me.”  Expressed here is the Scriptural truth that the person who does not deny the self and the self-will cannot follow Christ.

The word “deny” here is pivotal in our understanding of the dilemma facing each Christian.  Again, the English word “deny” is translated from the Greek word <arneomai> which means “to contradict, to disregard, to abrogate, to forsake, renounce or refuse.” (Vine’s Dictionary, page 89)

The best example of denying the self is Jesus Christ:  when he was praying in the Garden of Gethsemane, he asked God to take the cup from him.  Dr. Adrian Rogers, in his book The Passion of the Christ and the Purpose of Life paints a picture of what the “cup” contained:

“The pollution of sin was in that cup…all of the sin of the world was distilled in that cup of suffering that He had to drink for us…It meant that blasphemy against God settled in that cup.  Rape and adultery and sexual perversion settled in that cup, along with the bitterness of child abuse and wife beating. Hitler’s gas ovens were in that cup.  Satanic worship was in that cup. Pride, lust, envy, self-righteousness, and every other vile sin you can name were in that cup.  And Jesus had to drink all of it.” (page 24)

No wonder He lay prostrate on the ground in Gethsemane with red blood and black dirt on His face, pleading, “Father, if there be some other way, please let this cup pass from Me.” But the silence from heaven said there was no other way.  And the dear Savior said, “Thy will be done. (page 25)

Jesus suffered emotionally in Gethsemane.

 In Luke 22:44 we read, “Being in agony he prayed more earnestly.”  The word speaks of a contest.  In the Greek language, the agon was a wrestling match.  Jesus was wrestling, not with God the Father or with Satan, but with His own humanity.  Jesus did not just stroll to the cross and say “I am God; so this won’t bother Me.”  His agony was so great in Gethsemane that an angel had to come and strengthen Him so He could go to the cross. (page 25)

In the end, Jesus Christ surrendered his own self-will and obeyed the will of the Father; he said:  “not my will, but Thine be done.”  It was not resignation, it was a surrender of the self-will. We are called upon to do the same:  to choose between denying self so we can follow Christ; or else, live in the power of  the self and deny Christ.

This is what happened to Peter:  he so fully believed in his own strength of character, he boasted that he would follow Christ to Jerusalem and even unto death.  But when Jesus Christ was arrested in the Garden of Gethsemane, Peter panicked.  His panic triggered an adrenaline-induced response: he cut off the ear of the the high priest’s servant.  And then, when Peter was directly accused of being a close friend of Jesus Christ, Peter disowned any relationship with Christ.  He simply said that he “knew not the man.”

The self-will always leads to denying Christ.

I presume that all Christians want to follow Christ.  And I presume also that all Christians want to deny the rule of the self in their lives so that they can follow Christ.  We all earnestly desire this.

But the problem is that we do not really know what our “self-will” is: we cannot recognize it in our speech patterns, we cannot recognize it in our motivations, we do not see the self-will propelling  our actions, we do not see it captivating our attention, we cannot recognize it even when we see the self-will at work in our everyday life.

This is where the life of King Saul is helpful.  He was a man who was thoroughly motivated by his “self-will” and self-interest.  He did what he pleased, when he pleased, and he cared not for the damage his pleasure inflicted on others. His self-absorption led to self-destruction.  Let us look at what he did and how he acted in order for us to see what our “self-will” is capable of.

1 Samuel 18

verse 2:

The self desires to exclusively possess things and people for its benefit: Saul took David as his own and would not let him go home to his father who must have been worried about him.  Contrast this with Jonathan’s actions:  his friendship was characterized by graciousness to David:  he gave David the things he valued the most: his time, his loyalty, his sword and his robe.

verse 8:

Saul was quick to take offense, he was swift to take comments as personal insults.  He just could not stand it when his prestige was in anyway prejudiced.

verse 9:

Saul’s energy and focus was absorbed with looking at others: what they had and what they did.  He did this so that he can constantly gauge how he measures up against others.  Saul was always comparing himself to David and he was always sore because he knew that he could not measure up to David’s wisdom and favor.

verse 11:

Saul was vindictive: he was quick to exact revenge.

verse 12:

Saul was always insecure about his strengths, his possessions, his power and his influence.  He was envious of David whom he views as his rival and opponent when all the while, David was always Saul’s loyal servant.  David loved and respected Saul as his father.

verse 17:

Saul was always plotting David’s downfall.  Saul was always conniving intrigues and traps for David.

verse 19:

Saul did not give David his just due for killing Goliath.  He took his firstborn daughter and gave her to another.  Saul kept changing the conditions whereby David could marry one of his daughters.  Finally, he settled on his youngest daughter, Michal. He promised her to David if David would kill 100 Philistines. As the youngest, Michal has the least right to inherit.

verse 20:

Saul could hate anyone: anyone who frustrates his goals, anyone who seems more endowed, anyone better-favored, anyone more liked, anyone more popular.  Anyone who got in the way of whatever Saul wanted was in danger of death:  Saul hurled a javelin against his own son, Jonathan, when Jonathan helped David escape.  Saul had the priests at Nob killed because they gave David food and a sword and because they prayed for David.

We realize that some or all of these traits are present in our life in some form or in some degree.  We look at ourselves, we listen to our words, we analyze how and why we feel so strongly about certain things and certain people.  Gently, gradually we find that the self and the self-will is undeniably alive and kicking in us! Admitting that we are controlled by our self-will is hard. But the next step is harder:  to deny one’s self-will: to renounce the self-will, to refuse, forsake and disregard the self-will.  It is torture.

 This is something that can be done only in the power of the Holy Spirit.  Surrendering the self and the self-will to God can only be accomplished in faith: We need to believe that God desires our surrender of the self and the self-will.  We have to believe that  God will accept this surrender, it pleases him when we turn over to him the right to control ourlives. God will honor this surrender and most important of all, God will accomplish this surrender.  He will move so as to perfect this surrender daily.

This is then will become our daily “cross:” God will see to it that everyday, our circumstances will lead us to an acute awareness of our self-will. Each time our stubborn self-will announces its presence, we will cringe in shame.  Everyday, we will be called upon to choose to renounce every form that the self-will will take.

Surrender is a life-long “agony.” (Remember the Greek definition of “agon?”)  It is the wrestling match of our lives, this wrestling match with the self and the self-will.

Each time we are faced with our stubborn self-will, we will cry out to God because we cannot fight our self-will. It will tear us apart! But we must ask God to crush our self-will.  Apostle Paul counsels us to RECKON ourselves dead unto sin: we have to count ourselves and  imagine our self-will being crucified to the cross of Christ.  We will feel like we died, and we will die, but we will die only to the sin of the self-life.  After the death of the self-will, the resurrection to new life comes.

Each time we succeed in surrendering to God, in dying on that cross with Christ, we will feel victorious.  But our victory will not give way to boasting because we know that it was God and God alone who accomplished the victory of our resurrection to new life.

We will then be able to say with Apostle Paul:

I am crucified with Christ, nevetheless I live, yet not I but Christ, liveth in me; and the life which I now live in the flesh, I live by the faith of the Son of God who loved me and gave himself for me.

Our  soul can now “boast in the Lord and be glad.”