It’s New Year’s Eve 2012: one of the few rare days that I can lie back and look back at the remarkable year of upheavals that just passed. I am not nostalgic. I am not sentimental. I am relieved.

The word that crosses my mind is “Ebenezer” which means, “ we have safely come thus far”. I am amazed and surprised that I am here, now, in one piece, still. My mind has not checked out leaving my body behind; my faculties are still intact and I am still capable of learning new things.

Mostly I am thankful. I am grateful. I am in awe at the journey that 2012 had been. At the start of 2012, I had no idea that I would go through the valley of the shadow of death although I had a sense of foreboding that I couldn’t shake off. Ding, my brother-in-law had died in October 2010 when he was 60. My mother underwent emergency surgery to remove a colon blockage in the middle of 2012. While recuperating at the hospital, she caught pneumonia. She stayed for a month in the ICU yet again. In February, my husband began having gastric discomfort which made his blood pressure rise. We went to the emergency room a total of 5 times this past year. I know, it doesn’t seem like a lot of times. But each trip was trauma in itself. We all tried to keep calm and rational each time but we were tense and taught just the same.

The worst time was at the tail end of Habagat. My husband felt nauseous and he felt like his chest and his stomach was going to explode. He had to get to the hospital so that if the stomach symptoms do not abate and he suffers a heart attack in the process, he’d be in the hospital and he could still be revived. There was knee deep water on the McArthur Highway and just near the hospital, the distributor cap got wet from all the water that splashed about. I didn’t think we’d make it to the hospital. We did get to the hospital eventually. Because of the trouble with the car, my husband’s stomach complaints disappeared for a while that night. And at the emergency room, we both had sheepish grins on our faces.

We talked about it often. He wasn’t afraid to die. I wasn’t afraid that he would die (everybody dies). He was fighting to stay alive for our young children. He was fighting to stay healthy for my sake. He said he had never made me cry before and he wouldn’t make me cry this time if he can help it.

What complicated matters was, no one could tell us why this was all happening. Western medicine could not give us a diagnosis or a prognosis. Everything was so uncertain. We didn’t know what to do and what not to do to make things better. The not knowing was worse than knowing what was wrong. What tired us were the numerous trips to the hospital for tests, the numerous consultations with doctors who gave us palliatives for the symptoms but could not tell us what was wrong.

Everything was put on hold. I don’t know how the kids got through their tests and exams. I don’t know how they did their homework or submitted projects on time. I don’t know how we continued to function with all that going on. I don’t know how I am still sane after all that.

Then I remember the grace of God. I had asked for grace. I asked for healing, I had asked for respite but more than healing and respite, I asked for grace. I asked for grace to surrender to the will of God. I asked for grace to trust God. I asked for grace under pressure. I asked for grace to be able to pray. I asked for grace to be able to sing. I asked for grace to smile. I asked for grace to laugh. I asked for grace to shed tears. I had asked God for grace to love and keep on loving. I had asked for grace not to lose my temper and grace not to complain.  I especially asked for grace not to give up. I asked for grace to be thankful. I asked for grace not to become jaded or cynical, bitter or angry. I asked for grace to count blessings. I asked for grace to know joy even through pain.

Every day, I asked for grace and there was grace provided. There was unfailing grace for each twist and turn of life. Grace is the only reason why I am still here. Thank God for the immeasurable grace of God. This New Year’s eve, I do not look at 2012 as a painful year, instead, I look at it as a year of grace. For each and every heartache, disappointment and setback, there was sufficient grace given to stand and to keep standing. There was sufficient grace given to walk and not be weary; to run and not faint. There was grace sufficient to work. I thank you, Lord, for your grace through Jesus Christ our Lord. I cannot ask for more. I have been given grace overflowing.

As I look forward to 2013, I realize I do not know what it holds. What I know is this: God’s grace will be new every morning. Grace will be given according to the faithfulness of the God who loves us. Enough grace will be given to nurture hope and find joy. Happy New Year! And may the grace of God in Jesus Christ be rich in you in this year to come.