People have been congratulating us for a job well done and wishing us well as proud parents of a son who graduated from high school recently. The boy finished high school as an outstanding student (#14 out of 256 students). People presume that we are proud of him. We are happy indeed– our cup is running over, but not for the reasons they think. We are not proud of his achievements–they were modest compared with others. He was accepted at the UP ( Polical Science). He was accepted also at the Ateneo (honors section). These validate his achievements. We are certainly happy, but not really proud.

People don’t understand why I say that I am not proud. Perhaps if I tell you the context, you will understand. You will have to know the facts so that you will see how we can be happy but not proud.

First, that boy nearly died before his second month of life. He had an obstruction in his bile duct that required emergency surgery or else he would have wasted away and died. That he lived is a great blessing and joy. That he lives today without the ill effects of his early health struggles is God’s grace.

Second, we almost lost that boy again before his second birthday. He had an allergic reaction to an unknown allergen that his doctor said was known as Kawasaki Syndrome. Had he not been treated timely, he would have died as his heart would have been inflamed. He would have died of a heart attack at age two. That he is alive is a great blessing and joy. That he lives today without the ill effects of his second health issue is God’s grace.

Contrary to what most people think, we did not actively ‘train’ the boy  do well in school. We had no such expectations. We didn’t think he would even make it to age 7. We simply tried to enjoy every second he was with us.

My husband and I decided to prioritize family instead of our careers precisely because we wanted to savor what joy God would give us. He gave us two children. Imagine that–two sources of joy. From that time on, we have learned to be thankful for each day that those two children were with us.

When at the back of your mind you know and understand how temporary life and happiness is, things like landing on the honor roll don’t really matter much. We care that the children take advantage of their opportunities, but we never pressured our children to achieve. We were happy enough that they were alive and healthy and thriving and enjoying their childhood.

This is why we are always pleasantly surprised when they are given awards–we think it is the grace of God at work that the kids can complete one year of school without falling deathly ill. We are always thankful that they are alive and enjoying the life God has given them. Things like being proud of achievements and basking in the accolades of others these are alien concepts to us–we think that these are gifts to thank God for. He gives the strength and the health to make all this possible. None of this is due to our own doing. We learned this truth very early on. Without the sustaining grace of God, we would be nothing–we wouldn’t even be alive.

Third, we became parents at a late age. That we are still alive and able to earn a living to put these children through school is also by the grace of God. We wouldn’t even be alive and we wouldn’t be able to earn a living without the grace of God.

Fourth, the children have a long way to go yet. They are just in high school. They have yet to enter and finish college. Our son wants to go farther–he intends to take up law. That’s about eight or nine more years of schooling. Graduating from high school then is just a rite of passage, another rung on the ladder that must be climbed. This is not yet the time to be proud.

So please believe me and understand why we are happy but unable to be proud–you can only be proud if what you have comes from something you have done yourself. If you believe that all these things are gifts and blessings–undeserved merit, then, you can only be thankful and happy, you have no cause, or space or time to be proud.

On that day that I marched with my son because he was an outstanding student, I had to keep back the tears–I once walked down the corridors of the UP PGH Surgical wing carrying this boy, not even daring to think of the future, just thanking God for that moment and trusting that only by God’s grace and power will there be more moments with him.

You cannot be proud when every moment you implore God for Him to keep your kids safe and healthy. When you know that they are alive merely because it pleases God to give them health, you begin to think that their lives should be an offering of praise and thanks to God. You begin to live asking God to bestow only that which He dims fit, only as He would give.

You begin to see things in a different perspective. All these things are mere fulfillment of the conditional promise that if you seek first the kingdom of God– his reign in every aspect of life (ang kanyang paghahari sa bawat aspeto ng buhay), and His righteousness — his will, then “all these things shall be added unto you”.

I have learned not to desire good things for myself or my children– instead, I have learned to ask God to give us what is best. I do not do this out of fear that God will take my children away if I don’t do what He wants. I have learned to trust that God knows better and when God moves, even the sea parts and makes a way for you.

At is time, all I can think of is that truly, God is able to do exceeding abundantly above all we ask or think. When you let go of the right to rule your own life and that of your children, and give God the right to rule and decide, then He will decide in your best interests. That is what I pray for every day. I do not pray for God to raise my children up above their peers–only for Him to work so that He will be pleased with them, for Him to always be glorified. That is more important because it is of eternal value.

Medals fade and tarnish, applause fades and ends. Citations and certificates get brittle in time but the pleasure of God, His face shining on you—now that is joy eternal. When this is how you look at life, then boasting has no place. I have learned that God gives His best gifts to those who do not think they deserve it. He gives it to those who know they do not deserve it but ask out of need. God gives His best gifts to those who seek the Giver, not the gifts. This is what I seek for myself as well as for my children, to seek God out of their deep longing for Him, not because of what they can get out of it. This way, you learn to truly love God. Who wouldn’t want this for their children?