I think in life, just like in marriage, intercourse must necessarily include delightful and interesting conversations for it to be worthwhile.

Anyway, I had two different conversations on the same topic of domestic violence over the past couple of weeks but I thought nothing of making a connection between them until I read 1 Peter 3:1 in my daily Bible reading a few days ago.  Sometimes, the mind makes connections slowly especially if the heart refuses to acknowledge the connections that stare us in the face.

I suppose domestic violence is a sensitive topic, but, surprisingly, it crops up here and there even in the most genteel of families which is why two separate people at two separate times asked me for advise on the incidence of domestic violence in their lives.  Particularly, they asked me the question: what should a Christian (read: Bible-believing) wife do in cases where she experiences domestic violence inflicted upon her by her spouse.  My lawyerly answer was: It depends.

On hindsight, I think I was either buying time to frame my thoughts, or I was trying to get over my discomfort at having to answer the question.  Yes, speaking on domestic violence is uncomfortable because you just don’t want to think that it might exist in the body of Christ, but it does.  Yes, speaking on domestic violence is uncomfortable because you feel like you are treading on dangerous grounds within the privacy of another person’s home.  But, surprisingly, it does exist.  As I said earlier, if I am to gauge its prevalence by the number of questions on it that I answer, it happens more often than we care to imagine.

First, what is domestic violence, anyway?

Domestic violence may be physical but it isn’t always physical.  It could be emotional, psychological and even financial.  For instance, it is easy for us to see, when a woman is bruised, that she suffers from domestic violence.

However, when, behind closed doors, the man treats the woman harshly, calling her names, insulting her, criticizing her, putting her down, humiliating her in front of her children or in-laws and at every turn telling her that she is unworthy of him, that she is worthless, that is domestic violence, too.  Emotional wounds run deeper than bruises and they often take longer to heal.

Some men control their wives: they choose for her what she should wear, how she should act, how she should cook dinner.  Some men follow their wives around, inspecting everything she does and does everything over to his satisfaction because nothing she ever does is good enough for him.  She is to account for every peso she spends, every phone call or text she sends or receives.

He may forbid her to see her relatives, friends or even go anywhere without him.  He may always be suspicious of her every move, suspecting she is being unfaithful at every turn – even with the postman or the garbage collector or the butcher at the market – he thinks she is having an affair.  He may demand her passwords to personal email, facebook etcetera because he wants her to have no secrets from him.  Some men treat their wives as bonded servants: he feeds, clothes and houses her so she has to wait on him hand and foot and he treats her like his own private slave.

Root causes of domestic violence are sometimes attitudinal

I thought to put in writing some thoughts on domestic violence per se.  But as I was writing this, I realized that the root of domestic violence amongst the body of Christ is an erroneous Biblical view of womanhood and the role of women in the church and home.  I address this erroneous thinking so that we can examine ourselves.  And, then, in light of the clear teaching of Scripture, once we see how erroneous our beliefs are, we can begin to change our minds and hopefully, live in the manner that Christ had wanted us to live.

Are women equal to men in physical stature or prowess?  Science tells us that women’s brains are wired differently from men; our bodies are shaped and framed differently from men.  Women’s bodies and brains were built for endurance, while men were built for lightning speed and strength.

Are women equal to men in intelligence?  Science tells us that there is no difference in capacity to learn or think but that women think in different ways than men.  Women see things that men don’t and men see things that women don’t.  Men are good at some mental tasks while women are good at other mental tasks.

Do men and women feel the same emotions?  Yes, they do but women, because they were socialized to regulate themselves internally, are better at sorting out what they feel, labelling what they feel and establishing connections between what they feel and what they say and do.  Men, on the other hand, are socialized to ignore and deny their emotions as though they do not exist because this hampers their capacity to move and act (I have always thought, personally that society is unfair to men this way – we are raising them to be emotionally handicapped.)  But men have deep feelings but because they have no experience at sorting out those feelings, these often come out as aggression, highly competitive attitudes or nervous agitation (why do you think men are so good at sports?)

Women and men (I know this sounds cliché) were built differently because they were supposed to function differently – they have different roles to fill in the home and in the body of Christ.  Every person born has a set of chromosomes from a biological father and a set of chromosomes from a biological mother — the chromosomes cannot be IDENTICAL —  in the same way, men and women were not designed to be IDENTICAL in strengths, capacities, roles or functions. Just because they have different roles and functions does not mean that they are not both equally loved by the Father. Just as Jesus Christ died for both the just and the unjust, he died on the cross for both males and females.

Are women equal to men? Yes, all are under sin.

Some men simply think women are just a bit higher beings than dogs or cats.  Some men believe that males were given authority because they are superior and women, because women bleed every month, they are just not strong enough in body to be fit for anything other than bearing children and and keeping house.  This is prejudice that is not Biblical.

I have heard men say that because God created Adam first, he is not only the leader, he is better than Eve, superior.  If this were true, think about it: you are actually saying that the Creator God created something that is “inferior” – why, was God not at tiptop condition on the day he created Eve?  Was woman not created also in the image of God with a body, soul and spirit?  No, clearly, the Bible says that God looked at everything he created and thought that it was all GOOD (that includes creating Eve).

Some people think that because Eve was beguiled by the serpent, she must have been stupid.  Please take note that Adam was beguiled, too.  Eve, just as Adam had the desire for things that were attractive to the eyes (why do you think your boyfriend looks other women over?), they desire things that were good to eat and things that could make them wise?  I think experience bears this out:  we all have sinful lusts and desires.

Was woman “only” made from man?

I think that God created man who was physically strong and left him to a solitary existence without woman so that he can understand that he has emotional needs that he cannot fathom or fill on his own.  The Bible says, “It is not good for man to be alone.”  That is why God created Eve.  She was supposed to be someone who can MEET and HELP him (yes, men, you need help).  God waited until man realized that he wasn’t complete or compleat without woman.  And to make sure that he will treasure woman, God took woman from the man – to make sure that he knows that woman is made of the same substance as he was (that she was not like the other animals or plants around him) but was made of the same dust like Adam.  God also made sure that woman was made from man so that he will treasure her as he treasures his own flesh.

In the OT, much like the cultural mores of that ancient time, women had no real political rights — not because they were incapable of it but because they were pre-occupied with raising children, feeding them, nursing them because that is something we do really well.  There are exceptions, of course: there are some women who are mannish (they have backbone and they are unafraid to speak their mind) and there are some men who are openly loving and affectionate (without being homosexual).

All through Genesis, we see strong women, standing with their men as they did what God wanted them to do:  Abraham and Sarah, Isaac and Rebekah.  We see sterling examples of women who fight for their rights: the daughters of Zelophehad lobbied for Moses to give them a land as their father died and left no sons but his memory must live on and he must be given his inheritance in Canaan; we see Deborah as judge; we see Abigail as conciliator; we see Hannah as spiritual warrior; we see Ruth trying to earn a living for her and for her mother-in-law despite her lack of place in the Jewish social structure because she was from Moab and a widow.

In the NT, the Apostle Paul already said that in Christ, God does not respect persons (we are all, male and female, sinners before God).  There is neither Jew nor Greek, bond or free, male or female.  Women are not to be second class citizens.  They are equal to men but different from men.

Difference in form and function does not mean inferiority.

I haven’t read this book but I came across this quote from Goodreads and it seems appropriate to this discussion.  I want to quote John A. Piper from his book, Recovering Biblical Manhood and Womanhood:

“This point is often missed by evangelical feminists. They conclude that a difference in function necessarily involves a difference in essence; i.e., if men are in authority over women, then women must be inferior. The relationship between Christ and the Father shows us that this reasoning is flawed. One can possess a different function and still be equal in essence and worth. Women are equal to men in essence and in being; there is no ontological distinction, and yet they have a different function or role in church and home. Such differences do not logically imply inequality or inferiority, just as Christ’s subjection to the Father does not imply His inferiority.”

I like that:  just because women are required to submit, this doesn’t imply that they are inferior.  In the same way, just because Jesus always submitted to the will of the Father and because during his earthly ministry He relied on the leading of the Holy Spirit, IT DOESN’T MEAN HE WAS INFERIOR IN ANYWAY TO THE OTHER PERSONS OF THE GODHEAD.  In the same way, when women are commanded to submit, it is not because they are inferior, it is because we are all supposed to submit to the order and authority of God.  This is God’s organizational framework and we are all to submit to it in love not because we are inferior.

During the earthly ministry of Jesus Christ, his most loyal and ardent supporters were women who gave him food, clothing, shelter.  When all of Jesus’ friends, disciples and apostles were in fear after His crucifixion, and when they were all in doubt, the women took the body of Jesus, they cleansed the body of Jesus, they laid it in the borrowed tomb and when the feast was over, they were the first at the scene to anoint his body.  Thus, they were the first to learn that He had, as He promised, risen from the grave.

During the ministry of Apostle Paul – he was accompanied by men, but it was the women believers who fed him, clothed him, accommodated him and supported him with money.  Because that is what women do – they feed, clothe and support people in need – that is how they respond to crises.

I think the church’s shabby treatment of women is a “weight” that besets the church.  It is for this reason that the church is limping along instead of boldly fighting the good fight.

So what?

I don’t believe that women should be pastors (the Bible is clear on this).  This doesn’t mean they can’t read or make sense of the Scriptures, though.  I believe that women can and do teach effectively.  I think that they are better suited to teaching than most men because they tend to know that their students are not only thinking beings but feeling and acting beings as well.

I think that women have the capacity to teach others also.  I think that they can be effective preachers of the Word and they don’t need a pulpit to do so – they preach to everyone in the course of their duties at home and at work every day.  Women do personal evangelism in the regular course of their lives.  They disciple others, they lead and shepherd others just as effectively as men do.

I don’t think that women should be deacons – that is a Biblical office which God in his wisdom has reserved for men – but that doesn’t mean that women cannot have opinions or better ideas than men.m

We are efficient workers in the vineyard even if we are not officially designated as supervisors, managers or overseers – we do it anyway (without recognition or title or remuneration – we do it out of love—I think most men will be surprised at the Judgment Seat of Christ).  In the home, we pastor our children and admit it or not, we are spiritual advisors of our husbands.  Our husbands tell us their foibles, their faults and their follies and we help them sort these things out and we encourage them and we forgive them for being weak (because we are all weak, anyway).  We cheer them on and pat their backs because they do the same things for us (or they should).

I don’t think that women are confined to certain occupations.  I know something about a woman working a man’s job.  But I do not think that men are dispensable – women need men (at least I do and I am not afraid to admit it).  I am totally incomplete and incompleat without my husband – he is the other side of my coin as I am the other side of his coin.  That is how it was meant to be, anyway – men and women were designed to be complementary – they were supposed to complete each other, not compete with each other.

Hah, more to come tomorrow…… I am bracing myself for angry comments … please, everyone has a right to express their beliefs — this is my Constitutionally protected right.  If  my ideas anger you, you can always stop reading it.