Last Sunday, my Dad, the pastor of Bible Baptist Church in Project 8, Quezon City, went to the Philippine General Hospital to visit a member of the church who was diagnosed with stage 4 cervical cancer.  As I had to teach the lesson during the Young People’s Fellowship, I arrived at the church after he had left.  I waited for my Dad to come back to the church.  As soon as he came in through the door of the pastor’s office, I hugged him and kissed him and greeted him a cheery “Happy Father’s Day, Dad!”  He replied: “Ano yun?”

That response is so typical of my Dad who isn’t too big on holidays or mushy public declarations of affection.  For instance, when I was a child and it was my mother’s birthday or their wedding anniversary, I’d ask him in secret if he had any present for mom or if he planned to bring her some flowers.  My Dad would ask, “Bakit, may atraso ba ako sa mommy mo at kailangan ko pa ng peace offering?”

When we were children during Martial Law, on Saturday nights, we watched Little House on the Prairie and on Thursday nights, Eight is Enough.  In the afternoons, there were reruns of The Brady Bunch and The Partridge Family.  Those shows portrayed a different kind of “fatherhood”  — the idealized kind.

For instance, Dick Van Patten’s character was always patient with his eight children, he never got angry when they talked back and he was always witty and big on apologizing to his children if and when he hurt their feelings.  Michael Landon’s character was the hardy pioneer who had a noble character.  He loved his children but quietly taught them to deport themselves with dignity and integrity.  He had the time and the patience to explain things to his children when they stray.  He never raised his voice.

And then there was this movie that starred  Gregory Peck as Atticus Finch, the small town lawyer in Montgomery, Alabama who was assigned by the federal judge to defend a black man accused of raping a white woman. He was a widower who raised two young children, teaching them how to read by reading the newspaper to them and with them.  He was a great marksman but he hated violence and used his words in fighting battles. He was the epitome of the southern gentleman with his good manners and genteel breeding.

This is the regular fodder for our young minds during Martial Law.

One day a young child got rather upset because he drew a picture and his Dad didn’t appreciate the picture.  Now, remember that TV fathers have defined for this young child how a father is “supposed” to behave: for instance: Michael Landon would have looked long and hard at the picture while smoking his pipe at the dinner table and say “that’s a good picture, half-pint.”  Dick van Patten would say, “ah, a work of art worthy of exhibit at our family gallery” and he would tape the picture on the refrigerator door.  Atticus Finch would say, “Did you draw this, Scout?  Tell me, young lady, what is this picture all about.”

What would follow would be a swelling of childish pride when his accomplishment was approved and validated by the figure of authority whom he looked up to.  That young child was disappointed that his father only said “ano yan?”  That child was standing there, looking up at his Dad waiting for the personal affirmation that he thought ought to come next.  His Dad just proceeded to put his Americana on, scoop up his folders and hurry out the door because he was late for his afternoon hearings.

That Dad is not heartless, he left the house at 6:00 every morning to drop his kids off at school or the bus stop, attend his court hearings ( sometimes he had four hearings scheduled in the same morning all in the same courtroom or in adjacent courtrooms).  When he got home from his hearings, he did his paperwork and entertained clients.  At noon, he’d come home to eat his lunch, take a short nap and hurry to make it to his hearings in the afternoon.  After his court hearings end in the afternoon, he’d go back to the office, do more paperwork, entertain more clients before going home to take his dinner.  On Wednesday nights, he would relieve that routine by driving all the way to Las Pinas to preach at the Wednesday night prayer meeting.

That young child sat on the stairs sulking all afternoon until his older siblings came home from school and asked him why his lower lip was drooping so low on the stairs they thought the welcome mat at the front door had migrated all the way up the 17 steps up the stairs.

Out came the young child’s sob story. The young child’s nasty elder sister said: ” E, ano’ng hinihintay mo diyan?  Wala tayo sa Eight is Enough! Tanga!”  The  nasty elder sister was probably trying to say that we cannot measure our “real-life” fathers by the standards of the “fictional TV fathers.” These days, though, everyone has his personal standards on what is a good father.  That would be ok, but, confusion usually occurs when society’s fads and fashions on fatherhood are outdated, re-worked, and re-defined. Tthere must be standards as to what is a good father.  Even the law after all rules out neglect when a person “exercised the due diligence of a good father of a family.”  Back in the 1950s when the Civil Code was created here in the Philippines, everyone had the same notion as to what constitutes a “good father.”  Apparently, now, there are as many notions  on what is a good father are there are fathers.

Yesterday, after coming home from the CA, I immediately dashed to the market to buy carrots, green beans and hotdogs to put in my sopas manok.  The kids would be dismissed from class at 4:30 pm, walk to the jeepney terminal and ride the jeep all the way home.  I figured I had about 45 minutes to make the soup before they came home sopping wet (it was a rainy day.)

As I was hurrying home with my purchases, my husband called.  He was on the NLEX, coming home from a day at the office.  He asked me to call the kids to ask where they were already.  I hung up and called my kids.  They were just walking out of their building at school.  I told them to go back inside the building and just wait for their dad to pick them up.  Then I called my husband and told him that I had relayed his message and that the kids are staying put in school waiting for him.

The chicken was simmering on the stove as I was peeling carrots and I suddenly felt my hormones kick in and I got all teary.  My husband has polio so it is difficult for him to walk around.  He has heart disease so his legs swell at the end of an office day.  He travels up and down the NLEX and its unpredictable traffic and weather conditions one hour in the morning and one hour coming home in the afternoon.  When he saw that it was raining on the NLEX, he immediately called me to ask me where I was.  He was relieved to find that I was home, safe and dry preparing merienda-cena.  He next thought of the kids who, after a whole day in school (flag ceremony is at 6:45 a.m. with classes every hour until 4:30 p.m.and only one hour for lunch) would still have to trudge down a muddy, flooded street to get to the terminal, lug their  heavy bags,  and endure half an hour of bumpy traffic on a humid jeepney just to get home.

I sent my husband an SMS: “I’m all teary.  I feel so blessed to have a selfless and loving husband who thinks of me and his kids ahead of his own comfort.  Thanks for loving the kids.  You know how they relish your company.”

My husband replied: “Nakaka-iyak naman yan.  I am just doing what is natural.”

So I replied: “That’s just it.  It is natural to you.  I don’t have to nag you or prod you.  You do what you have to do without being told. That’s what I feel so blessed about.”

He replied: “Thank my Dad.”

So I sent him another SMS: “Salamat, Mang Miniong, dahil sa iyong magandang huwaran bilang ama, ang inyong anak ay isa ring mabuting ama.”

Why is it that those Dads who do a good job are the first ones to cringe when they are recognized for doing their job of fatherhood well? They shy away when applauded for being great fathers.  They are puzzled with the fuss on Father’s Day. Why?

It could be that they were raised at the time when men were expected to be men and fatherhood was the best proof of manhood ( not just biologically ).  There was a day when a man’s accomplishments were first measured by how well he raised his children.  The kind of car he drives, the size of his house or the wrist watch he wears were a distant parameter. There was a time when men were culturally expected to be good husbands and fathers first and their career was only an indication of how well they can provide for their family.

There was a time when a man is expected to lose his self-centeredness and self-seeking once he marries a wife and becomes a father such that all his actions are directed toward the well-being of his wife and children. There was a time when men were not required to be emotionally sensitive, they were required to be wise. There was a time when we expected men to be the leaders of the family, loving their children in a firm and disciplined way and not be “just buddies” with their kids whom they allow to lead their own lives.  Thank God for fathers who are still this way.

Perhaps these fine fathers really do not want to be applauded for being the good fathers that they are because they are only doing what is their duty before God.  My Dad and my own husband’s reaction remind me of a story Jesus Christ told in Luke 17:7-10.

There was a man who had a servant.  He commanded his servant to work all day in the field and at the end of the day, the man commanded his servant to prepare his dinner and to serve him.  The man never thanked his servant and the servant never expected any thanks.  So Jesus Christ commanded his disciples: “So likewise ye, when ye have done all those things which are commanded of you, say, “We are unprofitable servants: we have done that which was our duty to do.”

I suppose, we must not just thank our earthly fathers on Father’s Day.  Every good father merely reflects the goodness and firm love of God the Father.  So that next father’s day, I really should thank God the Father first, for revealing himself to us through his Son.  We would never know how good our Heavenly Father is if His Son never came to reveal Him to us. “The only begotten of the Father, he hath declared him.”  Jesus Christ, after all is the “express image” of the God the Father and the “brightness of his glory.”

Thanks must go to God not only for giving us good earthly fathers but also for providing standards for men to live up to, the standard of our wise and loving Heavenly Father. One who lovingly disciplines his children, one who does not consent to their living unruly purposeless lives.  One who will not, because of his great love, tolerate them to continue willfully doing what is wrong.  And yet, a father who will love them just the same when after his children had done wrong, when they return and repent, that father is willing to always forgive.

Next father’s day, we need not be confused with the “idealized” fathers that media presents.  We need not sulk when our fathers do not live up to the standards we ourselves have set up.  Instead,  we need only read the Word of God, know God the Father through Jesus Christ the Son for us to see what, indeed a good father ought to be. And measure up our fathers by that standard.  God himself will measure us by His standards, after all.