I received a compliment from a friend of my best friend. He said that his friend (my best friend) was lucky to have me as a wife.  I replied, I have always thought I was the lucky one.

And yes, I have always felt that I was the lucky one: a good man is hard to find and you’re lucky if you find one. Do you agree, dear reader? People don’t realize how difficult it is to find a really good man to grow old with and have kids with.

First, when you meet a male of the species these days, the first thing that comes to mind is, is he straight?  Because if he’s not straight, then it’s a losing proposition for the girl, right?  It would be like squeezing blood from stone.

Second, when you have determined that the male in front of you is straight, you have to figure out next if he’s a decent enough person to go out on a date with. There are so many weird perverts around so you have to be very careful.

Third, if you’ve determined that this person is straight and decent, you have to figure out discreetly if he’s available for an exclusive relationship because there are guys out there who gather women like a string of pearls. Some guys just want a string of one-night-stands. It pays to figure this one out before you waste time and tears.

Fourth, if he’s straight, decent and available, you begin to wonder if he likes you and you like him. You have to use your sixth sense if his words, so  much like honey are just a sticky trap to catch you.  You have to figure out if his actions, so gentleman-like, are natural to him or feigned.

Fifth, if he’s straight, decent and available, and you like him and he likes you, you have to assess his substance (not the wallet, folks, I am talking about that thing between his ears).  Is he logical? Is he reasonable? Is he well-read? Is he capable of articulating his thoughts and emotions?  Do you even speak the same language? Is he willing to learn yours just as you’re willing to learn his? Let me tell you why this is important: his chromosomes will make up half of your offspring’s genetic make-up.  So, please, get past his cute face or abs or butt and start probing his mind.

Sixth, so your candidate is straight, decent, available and he is not brain dead.  The next consideration is, how is he emotionally?  Is he even-keeled?  Is he impulsive?  Can he reason himself out of his passions if it is necessary to make a wise choice? Is he capable of more than just shallow sentiments?  Let me tell you why this is important: emotions are only part of love.  Love is usually emotions translated into action that pursues the well-being of the beloved.  If your man is self-absorbed, self-seeking and self-contained, you are sure to feel unloved, un-cherished and taken for granted as a door mat.

Seventh, if he passed the scrutiny so far because he’s straight, he’s decent, available, mentally acute and emotionally perceptive, you have to ask yourself if he is hard-working.  If he’s not, you’ll end up working at the office supporting yourself and the guy and doing the household chores after coming home from the office.  There are selfish men out there who look out only for number one and they want nothing more than an ATM for a girlfriend who is willing to give him bed and board.

Eighth, so he’s straight, decent, available, mentally acute, emotionally perceptive and hard-working. Is he ready to commit to you?  Most men are scared to tie the knot.  Other men are too scared to leave their moms! Other men can’t make a decision without their barkada or his fortune-teller! Is your man willing to make you his priority? You know how you can easily tell if the man really loves you?  He will give you the most precious thing he owns: his time. Commitment is really giving the object of your affections your time and attention.

Ninth, how’s his leadership skills?  Is he willing to take responsibility for his actions?  Is he willing to shoulder the leadership of the home?  Is he willing to make the tough decisions?  Does he pass the buck?  Does he always put the blame on some thing or someone else? This is what separates the men from the boys.  You have to scrutinize the process by which he makes a decision and how he puts in operation his decision. You have to see him in the midst of a crisis.  In other words, does he have wisdom and discernment?

Tenth, if your man passed all that, and you’re a Christian, you have to ask yourself the last and most crucial question: is he like Christ?  Remember the verse that says “Husbands, love your wives even as Christ loved the church and gave himself for it?”  How does your man measure up to this ultimate standard? Do you feel that your man will give himself for you as you give yourself for him?  It can’t be a one-way street, Christ was not a martyr.  Husbands are to love their wives and wives are to honor and reverence their husbands.  Husbands are to love their wives, not beat them to subjection or control them. The wife must be willing to give herself up to her man because this man loves her.

Notice that there is no mention of physical attributes here: remember, man looks on the outward appearance but God looks on the heart.  God’s eyes is roaming the earth looking for men who are faithful and whose hearts are seeking the glory of God even in the everyday task of being a good husband and father.

So, what, single ladies, do you agree with me that a good man is really hard to find?