When he was small, he noticed that his brothers were always asked to be ring bearers at weddings and escorts in the town’s Santacruzan; he was not.  His mother told him that it’s because there would be a  long walk and he would get tired because the metal braces he wore on his legs were heavy.He had polio when he was just a year old and that left him with weak legs. Later, his mother told him not to hope to be chosen because he was not physically attractive. His mother didn’t mean to be unkind because later she said, what you lack in physical beauty, you more than make up for in intelligence and leadership; take what was given you and don’t be sad about what wasn’t given to you.

His mother was right. Even before he woke up in the morning, the neighborhood children would be knocking at their gate asking for him because he led the play. When bullies from the other neighbourhoods come to their neighbourhood, he led the other children in running them out of their neighborhood.  In school, people asked his opinion and listened when he talked.  So his confidence grew. He graduated valedictorian from elementary and high school.  He went on to finish political science from the Ateneo and Law from the UP College of Law.

That was his dream: to be a lawyer. He asked God to make him a lawyer because he couldn’t do manual labor and he needed to support himself with the dignity of a profession. God gave him what he asked for.  He became a lawyer in 1980.

When he was a teenager, his relatives often visited their home and when they saw him, they would always say, “Naku, mahihirapan manligaw at mag-asawa ito.” His grandfather was always quick to say, “Naku, sa panahon niya, yung mga matatalinong babae, hindi na kailangang ligawan.”

He was faced with a dilemma: he wanted to find a wife whom he would love and who would love him as well.  His mother, though, warned him of women who take advantage of men like him. His mother also told him, “Huwag mong kalakalin ang iyong kapansanan.” (Do not make your handicap your selling point.)

So he prayed: Lord, just give me someone to love who would love me back. He read in the Bible the story of how Adam found a wife: God gave him one while he was asleep.  This woman God gave Adam was not perfect but she was tailor-made for him because God took her from his own rib: she was made of the same stuff as he.

He also read the story of how Isaac found a wife.  His father Abraham asked his chief servant, Eliezer to find a wife and he found one for him through prayer. So he said, “Lord, I will not go out of my way to look for a wife.  If you give me one, she has to be your choice, not mine. I’ll trust you to find me a good woman. And I’ll trust you to show me that good woman when she comes around. Prepare her for me.”

In his hometown, a youth group was formed to sing in the Sunday masses.  He was musically talented: he played the guitar, the piano and the organ. He led the group and he was always surrounded by girls who seemed to like him.  Every time a possible candidate came into view, he asked God, “Is this her, Lord? Show me.” The Lord showed him that the time was not right: he had not finished his studies and he had no way of supporting himself or the girl.  The Lord also showed him that God had not given him love for that girl.

All this time, he observed women around him and how they behaved toward their boyfriends or husbands and he came up with a working list of the kind of woman he thought he needed:

1. She must know how to go beyond appearances.  A good woman judges the worth of the man not by his clothes, his face or his looks.  A good woman is perceptive and sees the value of my inner man especially when my outer man is not too pretty to look at.
2. She must have the capacity to see me truthfully as I am and still love me.  She must not overestimate my strengths and qualities or gloss over my inadequacies and weaknesses.  She cannot be emotionally or psychologically blind to my faults and inadequacies or else I will have to buy her a helmet so she won’t hit her head and wake up to disappointing realities later. She cannot overestimate my capacity to earn or my net worth and make it the reasons why she will consent to have me for her husband. She cannot think I am her ATM or her sugar daddy who will give her all she wants.  She must be a co-steward with me of the material blessings of God.
3.  She cannot use emotional blackmail to get her way with me. She must not manipulate my feelings for her so that she can get what she wants from me. She must not use affection as a leverage to keep me in check. She must not treat me as her personal assistant or as her ward. She must trust that I understand her and care for her enough to protect and provide for her as God enables me and as God trusts me.
4. She must know how to read between the lines because as a man, I am not always articulate about my fears, my worries and my feelings.  She must always make it a point to understand things from my perspective even if she has her own perspective. She must learn to walk in my shoes and see the world as I see it and help me to see things the way she sees it.  She must be kind to me.
5. She cannot be stubborn.  She must know that two people have to be honest, lay their cards on the table and work out differences.  She must not always insist on her way even if she knows she’s right. She must know how to disagree agreeably. She must be reasonable and easy to entreat.
6. She must be cheerful.  Things will often go wrong in life and she must have a sense of humor.  I am not always strong, not always in good health, not always the best I can be, so she must be able to cheer me on.
7. She must be loyal. When I tell her my secrets, she must keep them to herself and not divulge them to others or use them against me. She must know that I trust her completely and I show her my vulnerabilities because I know that what I lack, she will fill.
8. She must take care of me for I have many needs not because it is her obligation to me; not because I compel her to take care of me; but she takes care of me because it gives her pleasure to see me thrive. She must be willing to set aside her own comfort for me if circumstances demand it even as I am willing to set aside mine for her. If she walks fast, she must be willing to slow down and walk at my pace because I walk really slow. And while she walks with me, she doesn’t feel bored or inconvenienced, she must be happy just to be with me.
9. She must not compare me with other men because it makes me feel small and insufficient.  She must not laugh at my faults and weaknesses or insult and nag me about them. She must be proud to stand next to me and be known as my wife.  In turn, I will make her proud to be my wife: I will deal righteously and give God glory in my life so that His blessings will be rich in our lives.
10. She must have unwavering faith in the same God I believe and serve. She must help me and keep me accountable before God as I keep her accountable to God. She must also believe that I am the leader of the home not because I am strongest or smartest but because this is God’s design and we both live in obedience to God. She must not be compelled to do right but she does all things for the glory of our God.

When he met the woman who would be his wife, she was just 13. It didn’t even cross his mind that she was the woman God has been preparing for her. When he met her many years later, they talked and became good friends. When he began to notice that the feelings between them were mutual, he prayed yet again. “Lord, you have to make a way. Hindi ako marunong manligaw. At hindi ko kayang ipahayag sa kanya ang damdamin ko kasi kung hindi pareho ang nararamdaman niya para sa akin, pati friendship namin ay mawawala. Make a way for the issue to be discussed. I don’t want to beg her to be my wife.”

His Dad died on Christmas Eve of 1986. He didn’t call her to tell her until December 26. Unknown to him, the woman had dreamed of him on December 25: she dreamed he was standing over a coffin. When she learned that his Dad died, she began to think: this man is so much a part of her life that she feels his pain. She began to realize that when she was an exchange student in the United States, she got so homesick but instead of being homesick for her relatives and friends, she was thinking of him.  The same thing happened when she travelled to Morong, Bataaan doing research for her thesis: he was always on her mind.

A year after his father died, he began to feel restless. He prayed and decided to resign and to take a sabbatical.  He needed to find his bearings and find a new direction.  He needed to find God’s perfect will in his life. When he met her again he told her this.  She asked him why. Why do you need to leave Manila and go home to Bulacan? She asked. I won’t see you anymore.

He answered her honestly: I lost my father; he is the one person in the world I know who loves me. I need to find a new motivation and to find God’s will in my life.

She protested.  That’s not true, she said. Your father is not the only person who loves you. That’s what I discovered this whole year I was away doing my thesis. I have fallen in love with you and I don’t quite know what to do. I feel like I’m cheating on our friendship.

He said, “The feeling is mutual and I would have told you sooner but I don’t have much to offer. I think we should give ourselves time. You above all must have time to think and decide.  I am giving you time to change your mind.”

Two days later, she enrolled for a summer course at the Ateneo.  On the first day of class, she introduced herself and the males in the class wanted to know if she was still available. She said, I need to check.  She called him later that afternoon and asked him if she were still available.  He said, no, tell them that you are no longer available.  She was his.  They did not marry until she had finished law and had taken the bar some six years after.

They have been married for nearly 18 years.  They have two children and all he has to say is, trust God to choose who is best for you.  God is omnipotent and omniscient.  He is capable of giving you exceeding abundantly above all you ask or think. Get down on your knees before God instead of getting down on your knees before a girl. You yourself cannot find a good woman, God must give you that good woman He has prepared for you.